


The thoughts we have at 3am.

by bekochan



Series: Malec and Family: Warm-ups [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: A quiet night with a drink, Advice, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Magnus Bane, Family Feels, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 21:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10840299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bekochan/pseuds/bekochan
Summary: Love and happiness are wonderful. But our demons will always be with us.But so will those we hold dear.





	The thoughts we have at 3am.

Magnus took a long sip of his bourbon and savoured the feel of it on his tongue. The smooth velvety liquid. The cold ice resting against his lips in his glass. He closed his eyes in pleasure. 

It didn't last.  
It never did.  
The endorphins were short-lived and he’d be back to his miserable old self. 

He hated this feeling.  
It was an old feeling.  
An ancient feeling.  
So very familiar of a feeling. 

Why now?  
Why still?  
Wasn't he happy?

He sighed and glanced over at the couch. A warm smile tugged at his mouth. There they were. The lot of them. 

His family.  
His. Family. 

The two boys curled up in their favorite blankets on the floor in front of the tv. Surrounded by their ever present gaggle of stuffed toys. The little girl on the couch, wrapped up like a cocoon in her favorite towel. And then there He was. The pale skin marred by marks almost glowed in the moonlight. His head lolled back on the couch. His lips slightly parted. The little girl tucked up in his long muscular arm.

All four of them breathing the soft, peaceful breaths of deep sleep. 

His family. His beloveds. 

He blinked back tears as his body shuddered a painful breath. He knew he was happy. The happiest he had ever been in the many lifetimes he had lived. Why was the darkness still there? The sadness? The loneliness? 

Why am I not happy all the way through?

“Because nothing is ever fixed. Because nothing is ever truly broken. Because pain can never be forgotten or unfelt. Because you’re a human too.”

Magnus started and looked around at the familiar voice. He swore he saw a familiar grinning green face in the corner of his eye and whipped his head around. 

No one was there. 

“Enjoy the now while you have it. That's all any of us can do,” the voice said. “Have your moment of grief and despair, Magnus. But don't let it consume you. Remember what's important.”

His eyes flicked over to his family and he smiled. 

“Thank you, dear friend,” Magnus said quietly. 

“Always.”

Magnus sighed heavily and placed his glass on the side table. He took care to mask the sound of his steps to not disturb them. Crouching down he gave each boy a kiss on the forehead and tucked their blankets around their shoulders.  
Reaching the couch he placed a hand on the little girl’s mostly dry curls and kissed the top of her head.  
Moving some of the pillows he was able to sit on the other end of the couch. He gently lifted the man’s head from the back of the couch and rested it in his own shoulder. The sleeping man made a quiet noise and adjusted his position to snuggle his face into Magnus’ neck. 

Magnus smiled fondly. 

With a flick of a finger the tv disappeared and replaced by a fireplace with a comfortable fire going. He watched the glow for a little while before the gentle crackling finally lulled him to a sleep. 

A smile still on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> We all need a friend like Ragnor Fell. <3


End file.
